Five Second Rule
It took several years, but now there's finally a paragrapher about goblins. I draw the line at leprauchauns, though: if you want an evil leprachaun, go to Blockbuster and feel the shame of renting one of Warwick Davis' six-pack of suckitude.

Five Second Rule

The goblin’s eyes grow big as the dropped bagel hits the floor. “Oh great goblin father let this food be cursed,” it quickly recites, in a voice too high-pitched for humans to hear. “Let the soul of a dead goblin brother enter the food though the floor, and enter the human beast through its gluttony. Let the goblin brother’s soul ride atop the human beast’s soul like a hat upon the head, and do his noble duty to make this human beast destroy himself. Let the goblin brother push his gluttony to eat too much, push his greediness to rob and hoard, push his pride to deceive and corrupt. Let the goblin brother be an agent of destruction for the human beast’s society. When the human beasts destroy themselves, then the age of the goblin will begin. Praise great goblin father!” In the goblin language, this spell takes just over five seconds to utter. Pick up the food before five seconds, and the incomplete spell will not transfer a soul. Pick up the food after five seconds, and the food will be cursed as well as unclean. The goblin’s curse is only a worry when food is dropped in the vicinity of a goblin. Goblins, however, are everywhere, especially where human beasts eat.