Paragrapher's Journal

Free Coffee
I credit my girlfriend for the idea of this. BTW, in real life we were waiting for Shakespeare in the Park tickets, and the drinks were Tava, some new zero calorie drink for - this is not a punchline - people who enjoy Red Bull but not its caffeine. Of the three Tava flavors we tried, I like the berry one best and Jen liked the passion fruit.

Free Coffee

It was just before dawn, outside the stadium. The fans had been lined up for two days to buy soccer tickets: some of them were still asleep in tents. Most of them were wearing red jackets with the stylish team logo on the back. None of them were wearing the blue jackets of their God-forsaken rivals. Naturally, this was the coldest night England has known in months. It would be another two hours before the box office opened. There was much shivering, and even more grousing. It seemed heaven-sent that blokes showed up to give out free coffee. Some small coffee chain was test marketing a new brew that mixed in a berry flavoring. They had big urns of the coffee on a cart, and worked their way down the line, offering a free cup to everyone. The coffee had a metallic taste to it, but the temperature alone made it as welcome as a life preserver to a drowning man. The line for tickets was so long, the coffee team was wrapped halfway around the stadium when the first recipients started keeling over. The dizziness struck without warning. Vomiting and diarrhea followed. The heart palpitations and loss of eyesight were experienced individually, for everyone was too busy vomiting and dropping their pants to shout that the new symptoms were also being experienced collectively. Death followed in minutes. On the far side of the stadium, the coffee blokes drained the last of their wares from the urns, gave it to some final grateful red jackets, and then ran toward the road, pushing the cart like a bobsled. They jumped in a speeding van driven by a man with a blue jacket.

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